Aligning Heart and Soul—Staying True To Self & Others
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Young children are the best examples of what aligning heart and soul looks like. The freedom and ability to fully express how we feel is important to our health, and is also an essential part of forming healthy relationships with others and everything around us.
When observing children interact with people, we bear witness to the assertion of self. A young child will not hesitate to let his parent, sibling, or friend know exactly how he/she feels. Young ones usually listen, too, to those they interact with in interest. A type of attention we lose and fail to give as we get older and become wrapped up in our thoughts. Listening, then, is something we need to relearn if we’re to maintain healthy relationships.
What happens along the way to make children less expressive and become reserved? Clearly, they learn some behaviours are not—we wouldn’t say appropriate—but rather accepted. Kids need direction to know respect and gratitude, but this can result in withdrawing the acknowledgement of self if it’s denied and suppressed for too long.
It’s a fine line between encouraging tolerance of individualities and discouraging fair engagement in adversity.
As parents and peers mould and project to the children in their care, many kids become lost because they do not evolve into their authentic self. Many end up living the types of lives their parents had wished for themselves. Others never realize their true purpose, and some come to be ever dependent on others for approval.
Children readily exchange feelings—not all good—then move on. Adults repress their feelings from surfacing, and this ends up causing more harm than good especially if the feelings are of dissent. Denying truth of emotions and disempowering expression is often the norm for adults who were taught as children to keep some things bottled up or were not listened to.
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It’s important we listen. It’s equally important we express—the good, the bad, and the ugly—to release the energy that if held could fester to cause problems and blockages.
Patterns of reacting in either defensiveness or in total disengagement develop from not acknowledging our true feelings. Not only do close relationships suffer, uncomfortable physical symptoms often manifest.
Taking a breath before reacting is sometimes all that’s needed to change a perspective. We see how this works when adults give children time to explain why they feel upset. By the time the children finish explaining, they’ve already changed their minds and moved on to a better state.
Asserting our self should never be without consideration of the feelings of others, but respectfully expressing how we feel is necessary.
Denying how we feel potentially creates anxiety, resentment, and inability to effectively deal with others. We become anxious because we fear we’ll be expected to express our feelings, or we won’t be accepted if we do express how we feel. We may eventually resent being in situations when we’re expected to reveal parts of us we’ve suppressed.
Strategies are developed as we grow into more acceptance as this leads us to find acceptable ways to fully express our feelings.
It’s in free expression we create accord and trust. Although technologically connected, disconnections are prevalent in adults unable to deal with their feelings.
Our greatest teachers are sometimes in the most inconspicuous of places.
Lend an ear to someone who needs to express, smile at a stranger to remind them they are present—and always—express your feelings in a responsible compassionate way. We are all on this journey together.
Go ahead assert yourself in a respectful and honest manner while allowing others to do the same. Encourage discussion when you feel it would benefit all involved.
“What you do for yourself, you’re doing for others, and what you do for others, you’re doing for yourself.” – Pema Chodron
Stay true in your connection to self and others.